And so I believe …. (Scan # 2 Version)

When I started this blog I intended to update it often. I expected to find it therapeutic and for a few days it was. But then the grind of living life and trying to keep things normal just sapped the desire to write frequently. So here we are in November a full two months from my last post.

We had scan number two today. The results? We have reached a place of “stabilized disease”. Stable is good, right? It means the tumor has not grown any but neither has it shrunk. We are “stable”. Our doctor says that sometimes this is the best that can be achieved with metastatic pancreatic cancer. If I sound perturbed by that status you would be correct.

I have entered that state of faith in which I trust in what the LORD has told me. I truly heard him say “This is NOT unto death”. When I share that, I get a few different responses.

• Silence. What do you say to someone who has heard the LORD speak?
• “Are you sure that is what you heard?”
• “She is saved. Her soul lives forever with Jesus.”
• “She may not be healed in this life.”
• “I admire your faith.”
• “I wish I could believe like that.”
• Silence with the look that says “You’re crazy”.

But what should the response be when someone trusts in the WORD of the ONE who asks “Is there anything too hard for ME?” (Genesis18:14)

My answer is to simply believe. It’s not easy. It’s only because I know my Jesus that choose to NOT go running, screaming into the night. HE is the ONE who sacrificed his own life so I could supernaturally be spared my own. HE is the ONE who has supernaturally provided money when I have had none. HE is the ONE who supernaturally healed by daughter in ICU when she was 5 months old. HE is the ONE who supernaturally made a way for us to minister in Africa for 6 years. HE is the ONE who supernaturally led us to a sick, neglected 18-month old who is now our son. HE is the ONE who supernaturally conquered infertility to bring us our first granddaughter. HE is the ONE who supernaturally speaks through me every time I share HIS WORD. HE is the ONE who supernaturally calms my fears, dispels my anxiety, and soothes my heart.

So why wouldn’t I choose to believe HIM? If I allow the natural circumstances and “realities” of life to countermand HIS supernatural nature, what does that say about my faith in HIM? So I say “NO” to those things that want to mock HIS CHARACTER and say “YES” to HIS WORDS.

Is this journey any fun at all? Not really. Does this journey have any joy in it? Abundantly. I have the privilege of being able to testify to HIS NAME and HIS CHARACTER in the face of the whispered lies of the enemy. I have the privilege of choosing in word and action to stand for HIM as HE stood for me at Calvary. I have the privilege of allowing HIM to use my life as a proving ground for HIS NATURE. In that there is much joy accompanied by many tears. But I wouldn’t trade it for an existence without HIM. And so I believe. (Mark 5:36)

Scan Results and the way forward

Today (Friday August 24 2012), Dr Young shared with us the results of the CT Scan that was performed yesterday.

Teresa's tumor is smaller than the original scan. That is good news, certainly, from our original scan. Dr. Young was very pleased that things were moving in the right direction, especially since we have only had 4 rounds of chemo.

Teresa is still in Baptist Hospital receiving fluids and trying to get her digestive system back on track. We are to receive a different medication to help that along today and then tomorrow morning we will be discharged.

Our next round of chemo won't be until the day after Labor Day, which gives Teresa a much needed break. We will continue on the protocol that we have been following with a slight reduction in the dosage of the drug that is the source of our digestive issues.

Keep praying. This is good news but it is not the best news which is a complete healing from cancer!

Nothing is too hard for our Jesus and we are trusting simply in what He has told us.

We are going to celebrate Alfie's baptism on Sunday. It will be a great start to a great week.

We love you all and thank you for your prayers, your support, your food and your embodiment of the Spirit of Jesus.

A Scan and A Hospital Stay

I want to give everyone a quick update. Teresa finished her 4^th round of chemotherapy on Monday August 13, 2012. Our first follow up CT Scan was scheduled for Friday, August 24.

This past week the severe side effects from the chemo became chronic. Home health care came to the house on Tuesday (the 20^th) to administer IV fluids. On Wednesday (the 21^st), the side effects continued so Teresa was admitted to Baptist Hospital that morning.

She continues to receive fluids and the staff is working to get her system back in working order. Since we were already in the hospital, Teresa had her CT scan today (Thursday the 23^rd). We anticipate having the results of that test tomorrow.

Teresa is resting well and her spirits and her courage continue to be high, which is extremely normal for her. She is my hero.

I will try to post updates here as we get them.

Mixed Emotions

It’s been about 3 weeks since I have been able to post a blog. Sorry about the delay, it’s just been a busy time.

Someone described their journey through cancer as one big roller coaster and I couldn’t agree more. There are up days and down days. You can attempt to predict them but those are hit and miss as well.

Then there are the days of mixed blessings. This is one of those days. Today our 8-year old, Alfie, started 2^nd grade at Madison Station Elementary. After being home-schooled by Teresa for the last two years, we are so blessed to have a quality school with a quality teacher to continue his education. And at the same time, Teresa and I both feel that something special has been stolen from us. That may seem trivial to some of you but it’s a real burden for us. We trust that Jesus will protect him and that he will learn the right things, the good things. And I pray that the LORD will grant us peace as we release him.

As far as her treatments, overall, Teresa seems to be tolerating them. We have had one really lousy week but most of the others have been manageable.

The pain seems to be under control for the most part and that is a blessing, although she experiences 4 days of bone pain from an injection that helps boost her white cell production.

We will have one more treatment before we have an updated scan. I will try to keep you posted.

Thanks for following us. I know you take time out of your day to read these. I don’t have much in the way of a spiritual challenge or application, but some days you are just living out life with Him at your side. Some days that has to be enough.

Prayers of the many

We started our 2^nd round of chemo today. The LORD came through again (we are not surprised, are we?) when we found out that all of Teresa’s blood counts were completely NORMAL! Dr. Young was really pleased with how Teresa responded to the first round. They have adjusted her pain medication so we can even out the spikes of pain and relief. So please pray for this to be effective.

I continue to marvel at how the LORD continues to remind us that “He has been mindful of us” (Psalm 115:12). Just this morning, a long-time client of mine in another state emailed me and said that the LORD had awakened him this morning with Teresa on his mind. He knelt before the LORD and prayed for us. Then at breakfast, he wrote our names on a chalkboard in the restaurant to ask others to pray!

I know I have said it before, but we have so many people taking us before the LORD and interceding for his mercy, grace and healing. We have felt every prayer offered to Abba. I know they have been offered in humility, and I believe they move the Heart of God. We cannot thank you enough for your perseverance. The journey will continue. It will probably be long and there will be times it will be difficult. But the prayers of His saints will sustain us and ultimately His Name will be glorified.

We value each and every one of you. You have been moved to pray at all hours of the day and night, in all the time zones of the earth. We cannot thank you enough.

But selfishly, …. KEEP IT UP!

Chemo + 4 Days Update

I have to start by giving thanks and praise to Jesus. We are now 4 full days beyond our first chemo treatment and the side effects have been manageable. Teresa has been extremely fatigued and she has had pretty intense body aches, but the other promised side effects have failed to materialize. I believe that this is nothing short of the LORD’s supernatural (His “normal”) response to all of your prayers.

While Teresa’s appetite hasn’t been great, she is good about eating. Last night, she ate the best I’ve seen her eat since we got the diagnosis three weeks ago.

I’ve had a great response to the last blog asking for four people to intently pray for breakthrough for Teresa’s healing. I don’t think we necessarily have to take the idea literally and have only four. If you are feeling called, don’t hesitate to let me know. I’m reminded of Jonathan’s admonition to his armor bearer in I Samuel 14:6. “Perhaps the Lord will help us, for nothing can hinder the Lord. He can win a battle whether he has many warriors or only a few!”

I expect Teresa to become stronger over the next week. Our next treatment is July 16. You can begin to pray for continued protection of her body as we go for the second round. As I was praying for her the other night, I felt as though I heard the Holy Spirit tell me that He was putting a cocoon around her. That is a comforting image for me.

We continue the journey. There is nothing easy about it, so pray that we will remain strong and faithful.

Love you all.

Four friends and Breakthrough

Cancer affects your prayer life. Either you begin to pray or you begin to pray without ceasing. I’ve landed on the latter.

Over the last few days, I felt the Holy Spirit impress upon me to meditate on the passage in Mark 2 where four friends brought their crippled friend to Jesus. Many of you remember the story. Jesus was teaching in a home and the friends couldn’t get near Jesus. So they went to the roof, cut a hole, and lowered his bed to Jesus. The Master healed the man, after first declaring his sins forgiven.

I went back and read it again this morning. Here is what struck me (emphasis and highlights are mine) in verses 4 and 5.

"And when they could not come near Him because of the crowd, they uncovered the roof where He was. So when they had broken through, they let down the bed on which the paralytic was lying. When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralytic, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven you.’"

Breakthrough

These friends had to labor to get the sick one to Jesus. I know that Jesus is sovereign over sickness and disease. He speaks and illness bows, dissolves and disappears. In that, I have no doubt. But many times, I believe that He desires to use those of us around the sick to seek breakthrough. In my experience, this is never an easy task. It requires labor and sacrifice, usually in significant ways. The four friends had to work to carry their friend. He couldn’t walk. He was dead weight.

When they couldn’t get near Jesus, they had to labor to get him to the roof. Maybe there were stairs. Maybe there was a ladder. But maybe not. They were undeterred and somehow lifted the man and his palette onto the roof.

They had to cut through the roof of the home. They ignored the possible damage because they were so desperate to get this man to Jesus. I’m sure they didn’t bring tools to do the work. I suspect they worked until their hands were sore, cut and bloody to make the hole.

With their remaining strength, they lowered their friend to the feet of His Only Hope.

In the end, they had a breakthrough and the result was the restoration of their friend’s body and his life (both physical and eternal).

Their Faith

It was the collective faith of the four friends and the one needing healing that moved the heart of Jesus. The faith didn’t begin at the point they lowered him down. It began in days of intercession for their friend. Their faith was birthed in Heaven-inspired love for one who meant so much to them that they would sacrifice whatever it took to see him whole.

The actions of the day were the outward demonstration of a faith that was growing by leaps and bounds through interaction with The Father.

Jesus’ words of healing were in direct response to the faith that He would heal if these four friends could get the afflicted one to the feet of the Son of God.

Calling for Four Friends

I am moved by this passage to ask if there are four friends out there who would specifically ban together and seek breakthrough for Teresa’s cancer. I believe this is a prophetic word for four individuals to collectively intercede and stretch your faith as you implore Jesus for healing.

I don’t believe in formulas for anything in the Kingdom. God is too creative and too big for that. But I do believe, there are times that He moves us to act as those before us have acted. Just acting like the four friends will not move the Heart of God. But true labor for breakthrough and true faith are things He will not ignore.

This is not a frivolous request and your response should not be given without asking the LORD. But if this is you, you can email me at stephen.kinsley@gmail.com and I will put you in touch with the others. I will be praying between 5 and 6 each morning with you and for you and Teresa.

If you are not one of the four, this doesn’t mean that your prayers and faith are any less worthy. This is a particular assignment for a few. Your prayers have brought so much comfort and protection as well as miraculous open doors. Don’t stop! A prayer movement is re-emerging as each person enters His Presence.

Love you all, but not as much as Jesus does.

Steve

Update from First Chemo Treatment

We are in day three of our first round of chemo. Teresa received two infusions on Monday lasting about 5 hours, and then was fitted with a pump to infuse the third drug over a forty-six hour period. It’s due to be finished this afternoon (July 4).

Teresa did great on Monday. We had a private room at the oncologist’s office. I have to tell you truthfully that the Peace that passes all understanding took up residence in that place. We played praise music on the IPad and thanked the Father for his mercies. Teresa was relaxed and rested the entire time. She even ate a part of chicken salad sandwich in the middle of it.

Dr Young did increase the dosage of the pain medicine and that has certainly reduced the amount of pain Teresa has had to deal with. That helps in so many ways … mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

We were warned about a multitude of side effects including nausea, diarrhea, mouth sores, cold sensitivity, neuropathy (tingling in the extremities), sleeplessness and fatigue, and a suppressed immune system. The list was pretty overwhelming and we immediately began to pray for supernatural protection from these.

Monday night’s sleep was fitful and Tuesday she has had some queasiness, but as of Wednesday morning she has not experienced any major side effects. The LORD is so good and HIS mercies are new every morning.

We were told to expect the worst days to be day 3 – 5, today through Friday, so please continue to join us in prayer for protection from the side effects as these chemicals do their work to shrink the tumor.

Teresa hopes that she feels well enough to blog soon, so stay tuned.

Keep praying. We value your prayers and your love.

Chemo has begun

We have begun chemotherapy this morning (Monday). We will be here for about 4 -5 hours, then we will be home.

We don't expect side effects until Wednesday but we are praying for the best outcome there.

Dr Zheng at Johns Hopkins and Dr Young here were in agreement about the treatment, so our prayers of unity of wisdom were answered!

I'll post and update later tonight after we are home and settled.

Report from Baltimore

We’ve had a mixed bag today.

On the good side, our appointment with Dr. Zheng went very well. He outlined three different chemo regimens that their research has found was much more effective than the treatment we thought we were going to receive. A significantly higher number of patients respond to these methods than the single chemo drug. Moreover, he was encouraged because of Teresa’s good health (other than the cancer). These treatments will have more side effects but the upside certainly outweighs those. Dr. Zheng planned to call Dr. Young in MS to discuss the options and we anticipate that will begin chemo at the first of the week. All treatments will be in MS.

On the downside, Teresa has had a great deal of pain today. Dr. Zheng encouraged her to discuss a different, stronger pain medication with Dr. Young. Getting the pain under control will do so much for her in so many ways physically, mentally and emotionally.

On top of all of this, Teresa’s father went to the emergency room last night and has been admitted with an intestinal blockage. CT scan was clear so they are not sure what is causing it. So please pray for Mr. George.

We will be returning home Saturday afternoon. We are looking forward to hugging Alfie and sleeping in our own bed.

We value and covet your continued prayers. They are what sustain us and also what move the Heart of the Father. Your faithfulness is being rewarded.

In Baltimore

We’ve arrived in Baltimore MD and are resting in the hotel after an uneventful flight. We will be meeting with Dr Lei Zheng tomorrow at 11 AM ET. He is one of the leading researchers at Sol Goldman Pancreatic Cancer Research Center at Johns Hopkins Medical Center. Only the LORD could orchestrate an appointment like this so quickly and we are so thankful for our friend Peggy Howard who was the impetus for this. Our son Chris is flying up tonight to meet us and provide a much needed additional set of eyes and ears to all that we’ll see and hear.

We have no idea what tomorrow holds. So here are some specific prayer requests:

• That Teresa will rest well tonight
• That any anxiety or worry will be taken away
• That Dr Zheng and his staff will have wisdom
• That Teresa, Chris and I will have wisdom and peace for any decisions that we have to make
• That Jesus will be glorified through our thoughts, words, actions and attitudes

That’s it for now. Keep praying. The nation of Israel has now represented in our prayer covering.

Prayers Around the World

As part of our battle against the plans of our enemy, we have contacted many friends who have been mobilizing prayer around the world. We've received news of prayers in South Africa, Swaziland, and Mozambique in Africa, Peru, Brazil and Honduras in South America, Spain in Europe and Cambodia in Asia.

And of course so many people in North America have been emailing and texting us, sending us messages on Facebook, tweeting us and commenting on this blog.

The prayers are deeply felt in our spirits and we draw physical, emotional and spiritual strength from all of them.

And God Himself is mobilizing prayer in some unexpected places. A couple that served with us in Africa now live in Atlanta and her father is part of a prison ministry at Angola Penitentiary in Louisiana. I received this text message yesterday.

"Mary's Dad was at Angola Prison today visiting friends there. He has all of the believing prayer warriors on death row praying for Teresa. Those guys pray with fire!"

Wow! Wow! The Body of Christ in full force! You cannot help but be excited about what the LORD is willing to do when His Bride sets its collective heart on Him!

So Keep Praying!

First Visit with Oncologist

We spent Friday morning steeling our minds and our hearts for our first visit with the oncologist. After visits with our surgeon, terms like "bad diagnosis" and "worst case scenario" had framed our thinking. But as we entered the offices, a peace swept over us.

We loved our doctor. She was matter-of-fact but not negative. She described Teresa's disease and said it was not curable. She did tell us that the chemo protocol for this type of tumor was universal and typically the disease did respond to treatment. At some point, the tumor would become resistant to the chemo and we would then have to switch protocols. That's the report in the "natural". However, in the Kingdom of God, the Word of the LORD is the only one that counts. Read Psalm 41:1-3. That's my God.

Our doctor also encouraged us to pursue our appointment at Johns Hopkins on Friday June 29. She was more than happy to work with the research physicians there. That was more encouragement. So we'll take that appointment and then begin chemo treatments on Monday July 2. We will have 1 treatment a week for three weeks and then have a week off. We will have 9 treatments total then we will do another scan and evaluate where we are.

We are also working different things for pain management. We'll keep you posted on that progress. The doctor said there was really no reason Teresa had to deal with any severe pain. They could manage it.

So specific prayer requests:
1. That we will qualify for an advanced clinical trial at Johns Hopkins.
2. That the pain medications will have the desired effect while allowing her to live normally
3. That Teresa's body functions will regain balance
4. Of course, that Jehovah Rapha will heal her completely of cancer
5. That HIS NAME will be made famous in the lives of everyone we meet

We love you all. The Body of Christ is fighting this together and I'm so excited to see what work HE brings in all of our lives as we walk this out.

Your prayers are our best medicine, so keep them up.

We love you all.

Steve

"We are pressed but crushed, persecuted not abandoned. Struck down but not destroyed. We are blessed beyond the curse for HIS PROMISES endure and HIS JOY is going to be my strength. Though sorrows may last for the night HIS JOY comes in the morning."

Praises and Prayer

We have a huge praise today. Because God never wastes any relationships, a friend of my mother has managed to cut through the red tape and get us an appointment at Johns Hopkins Pancreatic Cancer Research Center in Baltimore MD. We will be meeting with  Dr. Lei Zheng, the physician who is one of the leading researchers.

Another praise is that Alfie will be home from Birmingham tonight. The house has simply been way too quiet with him gone. We love our little man so, so much and cannot wait to hold him. He brings such joy to our lives.

Also, please pray for us as we have our initial visit with Dr. Tammy Young, our oncologist tomorrow. We really want to begin chemo by Monday so Teresa can be a few days beyond it when we travel to Baltimore.

We feel all of the prayers. They are our best medicine. Trust the LORD with us and for us. He is a good God. He gives perfect Love. We will be victorious in Him.